Don't Mess With The Zohan _verified_: Watch

What happened next was less a fight and more a very aggressive hair treatment. Zohan moved like water. He ducked a swinging punch, spun behind Dmitri, and snip-snip-snip —the back of the brute’s suit jacket fell away in ribbons, leaving a neat, tapered V-shape. “Very slimming,” Zohan noted.

Because you don’t mess with the Zohan. Not unless you want to leave with fabulous hair and a broken spirit.

Dmitri and his goons pulled out brass knuckles and a taser shaped like a drill. watch don't mess with the zohan

Dmitri paled. There were fates worse than death. This was one of them.

“You are the one they call… Zohan?” Dmitri asked, his accent somewhere between Siberian frost and Jersey asphalt. What happened next was less a fight and

It was a slow Tuesday afternoon at “Zohan’s Hair Explosion,” a modest salon wedged between a falafel stand and a store that sold only different shades of white socks. The air smelled of cinnamon hairspray and fresh hummus. Zohan Dvir, Israel’s former top counter-terrorist operative, now master stylist, was meticulously giving a poodle a blowout.

Dmitri laughed. “What magic? You cut hair.” “Very slimming,” Zohan noted

The bell on the door jingled. In walked three men who clearly hadn’t come for a wash and style. They wore stiff suits, earpieces, and the kind of scowls that screamed we break kneecaps for a living . The leader, a thick-necked brute named Dmitri, cracked his knuckles.