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— Review by G. “Heavy” O’Nell, Arcade Esports Weekly

“RAWKET LAWN-CHAIR! RAWKET LAWN-CHAIR!”

Here’s a sample review of a Metal Slug esports tournament, written as if by a competitive gaming journalist or fighting-game community analyst.

Where to improve: More official Slug-vs-Slug modes, shorter post-death respawn timers, and a ban on that one pixel-perfect glitch that lets you skip the final boss of Mission 5.